Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
