Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
