Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
