Pants 0. Shit 1.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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