No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
