and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
