They should really pass out barf bags in church
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
