Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
