k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
