I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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