just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
