just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize