sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
