took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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