fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
