what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Edward fifth and chaser hands
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
