i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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