I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
