I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
