I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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