The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
