just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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