would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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