Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
