Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
