I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
