did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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