I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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