I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
