Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
