im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
When are your genitals available?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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