Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
