it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
