your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
