You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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