Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
