dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
