Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
