Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
