last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
