That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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