it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let's get the cat blown out
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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