so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
