Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
