Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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