I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
