Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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