I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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