I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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