if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
