And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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