nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
