If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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