This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
