U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
