wat bout pragnant strippers??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
