i think i have two assholes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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