dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
