God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
