I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
