her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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