why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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