...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
