oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
