tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
