Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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