mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
