So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
