Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
