if you like me you must not know who I am
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Farmville is her only friend.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
