that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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