Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
