dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
4 words: hood of his car
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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