you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
