last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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