Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I want to fling myself into the sun
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
