I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
