dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
