I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
