Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
