There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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