If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she smelled like a LAN party
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
