D3 body, D1 cock
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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